Careful What You Wish For
by mamapranayama
Summary: Jack is hit by a hockey puck and wakes up in a world where Daniel agrees with everything he says, Teal'c has a sense of humor and he's married Sam. Is it his dream come true or a nightmare? A little S/J,very OOC. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Careful What You Wish For or What the Puck?**

**Fandom:**Stargate SG1

**Rating: **Teen

**Author:**mamapranayama

**Genre: **Humor/General

**Summary: **Jack is hit by a hockey puck and wakes up in a world where everything is as he ever wished it. He's married to Sam, Daniel agrees with everything he says and Teal'c has a sense of humor. Is it his dream come true or a nightmare?

**Disclaimer**: Stargate SG1 and it characters are owned by person other than myself. This fiction is posted strictly for entertainment purposes and no profit is intended.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

It was the perfect night for a game. It had snowed just enough to remind Jack that it was indeed winter, but not so much that they had any trouble navigating the roads to Denver. Of course, Daniel was griping about it, he was not a fan of ice and snow nor of hockey, but Jack was determined to get him and Teal'c to come out and have a little fun with just they guys while Carter was off-world visiting her father.

To Jack, the idea of taking them to a hockey game seemed perfect. Teal'c was interested in going, he had been to a couple of games before with Jack and had been impressed with the warrior spirit many of the hockey players displayed. Jack was certain he just liked the fights like everyone else. Daniel on the other hand, was less than enthused to go and it had taken all of Jack's powers of persuasion and the promise of a trip to the Denver museum in the morning to pry Daniel from his office.

"Jack watch out!" Daniel cried out and winced when the truck fishtailed on a patch of ice, shooting Jack a reproving look.

"Honestly, Daniel. It's not like we skidded off the road."

"I just don't feel like dying today. I think I've used up all of my 'get out of death free' cards."

"We skidded a little. I'd hardly call that a near-death experience. I know how to drive on icy roads, I grew in Minnesota for God's sake."

Daniel continued to mumble as Jack pulled into the arena parking lot and stopped his truck. He and Daniel exited the front seats while Teal'c got out from the back in full 'Murry' mode complete with fedora.

"Hey 'T, I got you something..." Jack fished into his backpack and produced a Colorado Avalanche cap, handing it to the large guy.

"I believe my headgear to be sufficient, O'Neill."

"Hey, the goal here is to 'blend in' and that hat does anything but 'blend in'." Teal'c reluctantly took the cap and replaced his fedora with it, frowning severely.

"I appreciate the effort, O'Neill. However, I believe that Detroit shall be the superior team tonight."

"Aw, C'mon Teal'c! Don't tell me you're a Red Wings fan." Jack complained as they entered the arena, making their way to their seats. "That's just traitorous!" Teal'c stopped short and eyed Jack vehemently.

"I have been called a traitor by my people many times, and it is a term that I take great offense to." Jack immediately felt guilty. Damn his mouth for speaking before his brain could catch up.

"Sorry, it was just a joke." He really wished Teal'c understood sarcasm and Earth humor a little better, he would have known that he never meant it seriously.

"Your apology is accepted." Teal'c told him as they headed for Daniel who had already taken his seat. The sight that greeted him as they sat down made the cranky Colonel nearly have a cow. Laptop open on his lap, the archaeologist was typing away on it, oblivious to the throngs of people trying to get past to their seats. The sneak must have smuggled it in with his backpack, Jack figured.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked

"What?" He looked up innocently. "Just working on a few things before the game starts." Jack gave him a incredulous look.

"Put that thing away!"

"Why? the game hasn't started yet and I want to get some work done."

"Because, we're supposed to be having fun Daniel, not working."

"Nothing has started yet, I don't see why we need to just sit here!" Jack grabbed the laptop and snapped it closed with one hand and passed it over to Teal'c.

"Hey!" Daniel cried.

"T, buddy. Will you please sit on this and don't let him have it back until it's time to go."

"I shall endeavor to restrict DanielJackson's access to this computer."

"Thanks, Teal'c." The Jaffa bowed and placed the computer on his seat, sitting on it. Daniel balked.

"Jack!"

"No!"

"But..."

"Na uh."Jack held a finger to his face, silencing him..

"I better get it back when this is over with." Daniel growled and frowned.

"Aw, for cripes sake, can't you for once, not argue with me? I mean, God Daniel, it must actually cause you physical pain to agree with me. All I want is a fun night out with you guys, is that too much to ask?"

"Let's just watch the damn game." Daniel folded his arms across his chest and Jack sighed. Fine, he thought, let him be miserable, he wasn't going to let him stop him from having a good time. "I wish Sam was here." Daniel complained. "You know, I bet you wouldn't take her laptop away."

"She wouldn't have been stupid enough to bring it in the first place." Jack snipped back. Truth was, Jack kinda wished she had been able to come too, but when the opportunity to see her father came up, he understood her desire to take it. If only she wasn't in the military, he often thought.... but he had to push those ideas away, she was Air Force through and through and married to her job, just as he was and would he would never want her to give that all up just for his benefit, even though it would allow him to make a move.

A little while later, and the game had been going quite well in Jack's opinion. The Avalanche may have been down two points by half-time, but there had already been two bench-clearing fights, so he was having fun. Daniel was still being a big stick-in-the-mud and complaining about the violence involved with hockey, comparing it to Roman gladiator games and blah, blah, blah. And Teal'c showed little emotion throughout the game, except for a raised eyebrow or two whenever Jack stood up to cheer for his team or boo when Detroit scored, knowing it would irritate him, hoping it would crack some of that Jaffa stoicism. He wished his friends could lighten up a little; they might find hockey as much fun as he did.

It was in the third quarter that the two teams had tied it up. Jack was feeling pretty good about that and decided that a beer was in order.

"I'm getting a beer, you guys want one too?"

"I'll just take a Coke, thanks." Daniel said flatly, with his elbows on his knees, holding his chin in his hands, obviously bored.

"I have no desire for alcohol, O'Neill, however I would enjoy a beef frankfurter served on a bun with ketchup and mustard." Teal'c added.

"Got it. One hot dog, one Coke and one beer, coming up." Jack stood and wedged his way past the people seated in their row, apologizing as he stepped on a few toes along the way, heading for the concessions when he was clear of the aisle. As he reached the top of the arena, he pulled out his wallet, cursing as it fumbled from his hands and fell to the floor. He stooped to reach it just as the crowd went wild. He sprung up to see what was going on only to catch sight of the star forward slap his stick wildly at the puck, launching the small disk forward, sending it flying over the goal, the retaining glass, and over the seats, directly into Jack's line of sight.

"Aw, Crap!"

Blackness followed.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

"Jack!, Jack!" He could hear Daniel calling his name and wondered idly why he was slapping him on the face. "I think he's coming around."

Jack groaned, he didn't want to open his eyes, knowing that any light entering his pupils would no doubt send waves of stabbing pain through his already throbbing head, but he figured he would have to eventually, so he ventured to crack them open a slit. Yeah, he was right. His head exploded and he instinctively threw his arms over his face to shield his eyes from the offending light source. He could just make out Daniel's concerned face bobbing over him from the space between his elbows.

"Wha? What happened?" He couldn't recall how he ended up on the floor or why his head felt like it had been run over by a freight train.

"You don't remember? A hockey puck hit you in the head."

"Ah, that explains a lot." He moaned again.

"We better call Sam." Daniel suggested worriedly, pulling out his cell phone.

"Sa-Carter? Why the hell would we do that? She's not even home."

"Huh? I don't mean to contradict you, but she was home when we left." Daniel spoke genuinely. "And I think she would want to know that you were hurt."

"Even if she was home, why on Earth would we need to call her?"

"Because she's your wife, Jack." Daniel gave him a confused look, furrowing his brow, but it was nothing compared to the one Jack gave him.

"My _what_?!"

_Sorry, at the last minute I decided to change or at least modify the name of this story, I was afraid it might offend some people. Just a short little teaser to see if anyone is interested in this story. Let me know it this is any good or not. More to come soon.... :)_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: Stargate SG1 and it characters are owned by persons other than myself. This fiction is posted strictly for entertainment purposes and no profit is intended.

Chapter 2

"Good one, Daniel. Me married?.... To Carter? Very funny." Jack said sarcastically. His head hurt too much to really comprehend what was going on and the thought that his usually morose archaeologist was playing some sick joke on him made it even worse. Daniel continued to give him that damn confused face and it was really starting to bug the snot out him. He tried to sit up, using his friend as leverage, feeling a wave of dizziness wash over him.

"Careful, Jack. Teal'c should be here any moment with some ice for your head." Sitting up fully, he put his head in his hands, hoping that Teal'c would think to scrounge up some Motrin while getting the ice. Daniel had his phone in his hand and started dialing.

"Who are you calling?" Jack asked.

"I'm calling Sam." Jack was beginning to think that the joke thing was going a bit far with the fake call to Carter.

"No, You're not." He groused. Daniel took the phone away from his ear, looking at it.

"I'm not?"

"No."

"Oh, Okay." To Jack's complete surprise Daniel folded the phone shut and put it back in his pocket without another word.

"What? That's it? No argument?"

"Why would I argue with you, Jack?" Jack stared at his friend dumbfounded.

"Why would you argue with me? Hello?....That's all you do."

"It is?" Daniel looked at him with genuine surprise.

"Duh."

"I suppose if you say so, then I must. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be argumentative." Daniel looked truly culpable and Jack wondered if he missed the whole aliens swooping down and turning him into a pod person thingie when he was knocked out. That really was the only explanation he could come up with for the archaeologist's weird behavior.

Just as Jack was wondering if he should bring Daniel in for an MRI to rule out the possibility of this being some sort of Goa'uld possession, Teal'c arrived and Jack nearly fell over again.

"Teal'c?" He asked, not sure if what he was seeing was real or a hallucination. "What is on your head?"

"You like it?" He asked, pointing to the ridiculous, red and white striped, stove-top hat that reminded him of the Cat in the Hat. "I just got it yesterday." Teal'c smiled widely handing Jack an ice pack. He gaped open mouthed at the usually reserved Jaffa, especially when the large man suddenly began belly laughing.

"You should have seen it, O'Neill." He grabbed his stomach, trying to speak between laughs. Jack then noticed that the big man was wearing a 'I'm with stupid.' T-shirt with an arrow pointing to the side. "That puck cam flying out of nowhere and BAM! You went down like a rock! It was the funniest damn thing I've seen in a long time!"

"Hey!" He hissed between clenched teeth. "What happened to blending in?" He asked, nodding to the crowd beginning to form around them.

"Right, Sorry. Blending in now." Teal'c snorted, wiggling his fingers and hands, pretending to make his large frame invisible. Jack put the ice pack against his bruised and pounding forehead.

"What is wrong with you two?" He growled.

"What do you mean?" Daniel once again plastered on that confused, little boy lost look, that was really, really growing old and Teal'c continued to smile a full toothy grin, scaring the pants off of Jack.

"Don't ya think you guys are acting a little weird?" He asked looking at them sideways, continuing to hold his head, as though it might go nuclear at any moment. They looked at each other and both men shrugged at the same time.

"Uh, no.... but then again, Teal'c always acts a little strange." Daniel answered, eying Teal'c's hat. Jack could only shake his head, before deciding that such a movement was a bad idea. Something was definitely wrong here, maybe he was just a little hazy from the puck hitting him and all he needed to do was go home and sleep it off. Hopefully, things would be back to normal in the morning.

"Whatever. Let's just get out of here and go home." Jack suggested and raised his arms as Daniel and Teal'c helped him up.

"That's a good idea." Daniel agreed. "Sam will want us to bring you back, she didn't seem to keen on the whole 'boys night out' thing anyway."

"Again? The whole Carter is my wife joke is really lame, can't you just drop it?"

"Whatever you say, Jack." Daniel complied.

"Daniel Jackson told a joke?" Teal'c asked "No way!"

"Yeah, he keeps trying to convince me that Carter and I are married, pretty ridiculous right?"

"As funny as it is to see you two married, I'm afraid it's not a joke." Teal'c laughed "And she's was pretty pissed that you left her at home with the kids tonight. But at least it should be pretty entertaining to see her go off on you when you come back home with that shiner." Jack stopped cold in his tracks, his face draining of blood.

"Whoa, wait a sec...._Kids_?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: Stargate SG1 and it characters are owned by persons other than myself. This fiction is posted strictly for entertainment purposes and no profit is intended.

Chapter 3

Jack was tired. His head hurt and a lump was forming over his right eye causing it to swell shut. To add to that, he had to watch Daniel drive his new truck over fresh ice and snow that had covered the roads while they were in the game, something the younger man was inexperienced and uncomfortable doing. Several times the truck slid from side to side over the icy pavement, making Jack nauseous and sending the archaeologist off into a string of apologies, which were becoming more and more annoying as he drove slower and slower down the highway.

"At this rate, we should home around the 32nd of Neverary, Daniel. Can't you pick it up a little?" Jack asked.

"Uh, sure." He answered hesitantly, applying pressure to the accelerator, wincing and apologizing again for allowing the truck to fishtail. "Gosh, I'm sorry guys, I'm not really very good at driving on these kind of roads"

"Why don't you drive, T?" Jack asked.

"Can't" Teal'c was still wearing that ridiculous hat, flopping back and forth as he shook his head.

"Why not?" Jack couldn't resist the urge to grab the hat off of Teal'c's bald head and toss it to his feet.

"Hey!" Teal'c complained, but continued his narrative anyway. "Don't you remember? Hammond took away my driving privileges." Teal'c shook his head sadly. "Man, start one little ten car pile-up and people hold a grudge forever. I figured you of all people would remember that one since I was driving your old truck at the time." On second thought, maybe Daniel was the best choice to drive.

Jack watched his Jaffa friend warily, he had never heard him talk as much as he had in the last thirty minutes than he had the entire time he had known him and it was deeply disturbing him. He always known him to be responsible, reliable and unshakably brave and stoic, this Teal'c was nothing like his friend and he wasn't entirely sure he liked it.

"So," Jack began, changing the subject.. "I supposedly have kids with Carter?" He still was having a hard time believing that one and it hurt too much to try and wrap his brain around it.

"Yeah, four boys." Daniel answered. "four very 'spitited' boys." He added warily.

"_Four_?" He felt dizzy again.

"Yeah, O'Neill, you must be a real stallion in the sack." Teal'c added. Jack shot the Large man a look that would have stopped most men from continuing, but Teal'c paid him no mind. "I don't know how it's possible, but I think Sam's actually been pregnant the whole time you two have been married. You've got the five year old twins Jake and Ryan, then there's your three year old, Tommy and finally one year old Brian, not to mention the one on the way. You guys are fertile like bunny rabbits!"

"One on the way? But that's _five!"_

"Nice job with the mental math, O'Neill." Teal'c quipped. "Just be glad it's not twins again."

"If you don't remember being married to Sam or even your own kids, maybe we should take you back to the infirmary and have Dr, Fraiser check you out." Daniel suggested. Jack groaned, ready to fight him on this one. He just wanted to go home.

"No way, I'm not letting that crazy woman get anywhere near my head with that pen-light of hers. I've had concussions before, I'll survive." Daniel shot him a worried look, but turned back to the road.

"Okay, you're in charge." Jack stared at his friend, once again a non-argumentative and agreeable Daniel was a disturbing thing. He looked like his friend, but he so wasn't. He had never heard him utter such words without sarcasm before and he had to admit, it was something he had always wanted, but now that it was a reality, it was a little surreal.

Jack laid back in the seat, closing his eyes. It was going to be a long drive back. This was all just too much for him to take in all at once.

He wasn't even aware that he had fallen asleep until he felt something against his upper lip and heard snickering.

"What the...?" He asked, smacking at whatever was on his face. He looked back to see Teal'c attempting to suppress a laugh and holding something behind his back.

"What did you do?" He asked him.

"Nothing." Teal'c tried to say with snorting before breaking out in a all out burst of laughter. Jack turned to Daniel who was still white-knuckling the steering wheel.

"What did he do?" Daniel turned to him and smiled.

"You should look in the mirror." He pointed to his upper lip. Jack pulled down the visor and flipped open the mirror.

"Teal'c!"

"What? I'm just having a little fun, lighten up!"

"You gave me a Hitler moustache."

"Actually I was going to go with the Snidely Whiplash, but you woke up before I could finish." Jack licked his fingers and tried to wipe it off, but it wasn't even fading.

"Was that permanent marker?" Teal'c looked down at the marker.

"Whoops."

"Daniel, why didn't you stop him?"

"I'm sorry Jack, but he told me not to wake you and I wasn't going to be able to stop him, he is very strong after all."

"I can't believe you two! Teal'c, you never joke about anything and you Daniel, since when did you ever do anything anyone told you to do? It's like I woke up in the Twilight Zone, for crying out loud!"

"Sorry, Jack." Daniel offered with a guilty face.

"Will you, stop that already? I getting a little tired of all of the apologizing."

"Alright." He told him as Jack sighed, things were going from bad to worse in short order. What was going on? Was this some sort of alternate reality or maybe a messed up timeline. He decided he would have to ask Carter if he could have accidentally ended up in one of those Quantum Leap mirror doodads that Daniel had found.

After a half hour of scrubbing with his own spit, Jack had managed to make the moustache fade a bit, but it was going to require some serious soap in order for him to go out in public again. Before he knew it Daniel was pulling the truck into a driveway and parking. Jack looked out the window.

"We're here." Daniel announced.

"This isn't my house." Jack told him.

"Yeah, I guess it's actually Sam's. She decided that her house would be better suited for a family when you two were married."

"So, what happened to my house?"

"You sold it."

"Sold it?" Jack thought of his house, out of all of the houses and apartments he had ever lived in ,this one had been his favorite. It was perfect for him. Outside of the city, surrounded by woods with a great back porch for his grill; A real manly man's place.

He looked at the house in front of him. It was okay, but this was the suburbs, for goodness sake. He groaned on the inside, he had hoped to never live in the suburbs again. But then again, maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. He was supposedly married to Carter, he had been secretly pining after her for years now, so how bad could it be?

He stepped out of the truck and headed for the door before turning around, noticing Teal'c and Daniel heading for Daniel's car that was parked on the street.

"You guys coming in?" He asked them, not really sure if he should head inside alone.

"Nah Jack. That's okay, I should get Teal'c back to base." Daniel said hurriedly pointing with his thumb to the car.

"Yeah, he's just afraid of your wife." Teal'c joked, mussing up the archaeologist's hair. Daniel gave Jack an apologetic smile and shrugged his shoulders.

"Are you trying to tell me that you're afraid of Carter? You guys are best friends."

"Well, we were a long time ago, but it's just that she's just a little... ya know...." He made a rolling motion with his hands before shoving them under his arms. "Possessive of you lately."

"What the are you talking about?" Jack asked.

"What he's trying to say, is that she's pissed as hell that you took off tonight with us" Teal'c ribbed him. "She hates it when we go places with you and she gets left behind. So, good luck to you man, you're going to need it." With that, his two best friends got into the car and drove off, leaving Jack standing alone outside. Some friends, he thought. The old Daniel and Teal'c wouldn't have left him high and dry like this.

He turned to the house and walked up the steps as if in a dream. This night couldn't get any weirder he thought, but then again, approaching the door, he could hear the muffled shrieks children, Carter's voice yelling and the sound of what could have been glass breaking.

Jack had been in war zones before, had trained in some of the harshest of conditions, survived torture and had been shot on numerous occasions, but he couldn't recall ever being as scared as he was right then. Just as he was about to turn the doorknob, the door flew open and Jack's jaw dropped.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in." Announced a very, very pregnant Sam Carter or was it Sam O'Neill?

_Hey guys thanks for all of the reviews. I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. My husband is out of town this week, so I'm going to be pretty bored, so I might be able to push out updates pretty frequently, we'll see. :)_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: Stargate SG1 and it characters are owned by persons other than myself. This fiction is posted strictly for entertainment purposes and no profit is intended.

_I've re-edited this chapter a bit, I think I went a little too over the top with Sam's bitchiness and Jack's insensitivity, hopefully this is a little better without changing the basic premise of the story._

Chapter 4

Jack entered the house uncomfortably, unable to stop staring at Carter. Her hair was long, but piled on top of her head into a messy ponytail. Wearing sweat pants and a baggy Air Force t-shirt did little to hide her expanding belly. She looked tired to him, worn out and stressed. She was still as pretty as ever, but seeing her in this state, her features puckered angrily and eyes wild with frustration made him feel for her.

"What are you looking at? And what the hell happened to your face?" She asked with her hands on her hips. "I swear, if you've been in a fight...."

"I wasn't in a fight, Carter. I was hit by a hockey puck." He still felt like he was walking into another dimension and he wondered when Rod Sterling would show up. This Carter was nothing like the Carter he knew. Could being married to him have really changed her this much? She threw up her hands in disgust.

"Oh, so it's Carter now, huh? And a hockey puck? Serves you right, leaving me here with these little monsters by myself while you go off and have a good time." She grouched with not an ounce of sympathy for his injury as his Sam would have given him, instead she was scary pissed and Jack walked into the living room, backing away from her. Two sandy haired boys were screaming at each other, jumping up and down on the couch while another smaller boy banged a plastic robot against a coffee table. Toys lay strewn about the floor and Jack gave a yelp as he nearly twisted his ankle on a plastic car.

"Boys!" She yelled next to Jack's ear, causing his head to throb again and he reflexively shut his eyes. "What have I told you about your toys! And keep it down! You're going to wake your brother!" As if on cue a baby began crying from a room down the hall and Carter huffed. "Great!" she exclaimed. "It took me an hour to finally get him down." He watched as she waddled down the hall, grumbling all the way. Turning back around he realized the boys had surrounded him.

"You have a funny face, Daddy." one of the older boys laughed while the other stuck out his tongue.

"Well, you have a snotty one." He snapped back. The twins gave him an identical dirty look and took off running down the hall with a squeal that could have rivaled a tea pot in pitch and intensity. Feeling a tug on his legs he looked down into a pair of brown eyes, smiling innocently.

"I'm poopy." the boy smiled. Jack grimaced, smelling the offending diaper.

"Uh, Carter?" Jack called out.

"What now?" an irritated Sam yelled back as she walked back from the infant's room with the toddler on one hip.

"Uh, this one had an accident." He stated pointing to the kid's behind.

"Then why don't you change him?" She snipped.

"Right, you betcha, change him." He looked around. "It can't be that hard." He looked around again, he was missing something. "Ahhh, where are the diapers?" He called out. He could hear her irritated growl from down the hall and she came to him swiftly.

"Fine, I'll change him." she sighed. "Here, take Brian." She passed off the toddler to Jack and he held the baby at arms length. Taking the messy kid down the hall, she left him alone with the littlest one. The baby gave him a confused look before screwing up his face, sticking out his bottom lip and bursting out into tears, wailing at the top of his lungs.

"Hey, hey... it's okay little guy." He tried to comfort him, but it had been quite some time since Jack had held a child this young. His persistent cries only grew more anguished and Jack was at a loss for what to do. He tried to pat his back and bounced him up and down, but it did little to soothe the baby.

"Uh, uh, uh....Okay, let's go find mommy." He walked down the hall with the screaming baby to find Sam in a bedroom littered with toys, changing the smelly diaper.

"Carter, Sam...we need to talk. Something really strange is going on...." She sighed heavily.

"Just a minute Jack, can't you see I'm up to my armpits in crap right now?" She asked without turning around, wiping the boy's bottom.

"This is all wrong. This isn't the way everything is supposed to be." He started, speaking louder over the baby's crying. "Everything changed after I was hit by that hockey puck tonight. Daniel and Teal'c are acting all weird and as far as I recall, you and I aren't married, nor do we have a houseful of kids running around. In fact, we're just friends. I think that somehow I ended up in a alternate universe or something when that hockey puck hit me."

"What are you trying to say here Jack?" She asked "That you were hit by some kind of quantum hockey puck and sent to another dimension?

"You think that's possible?" Jack asked hopefully.

"No, Jack. It's not. But I do have a theory and you're not going to like it." Baby powder went flying as she peppered the stuff on the boy and slipped a new diaper onto his naked bottom. She picked him up before placing him back onto the floor and shooing him away. She then took the the screaming baby from Jack, who silenced the moment she put him on her hip. She looked up at him with blazing eyes.

"Okay" he said. "Let's hear it."

"Okay, here's what I think." She tore into him with gusto. "I think you will do just about anything, including coming up with some lame-brained excuse like 'I've been transported into an alternate reality' in order to get out of helping out around here." She continued her tirade "For one thing, you're always gone. I know what you do is important, I did it too, remember. But I gave up everything for you. I left the Air Force to be with you and to have all of these kids. And you want to know the truth? I'm a little resentful. I resent it that you're never home, that I get left alone with the kids so much that I feel like a single parent. I resent it that you get to do all of these exciting things. You get to travel to places I can only imagine and afterwards you have Teal'c and Daniel to hang out with. What do I have? I'll tell you what I've got. I've got a house full of unruly kids, a PhD in astrophysics gathering dust and to top it all off I'm as big as a house." Tears were coming to her eyes and Jack felt sorry for her.

"I'm sorry, Car.. I mean Sam.... C'mere" He pulled her into a hug. "I know things are tough, but soon you'll have that baby and all of these hormones will be back to normal...." As soon as he said it he knew he was in trouble and immediately regretted opening his mouth. Damn his mouth again, he was such an jerk sometimes. He felt her grow stiff and she pushed out of his arms.

"So that's what you think, that I'm just unhappy because I'm hormonal?" She gave him a venomous face and stormed out of the room, he went after her. She was already to the bedroom by the time he caught up, she moved pretty fast for a pregnant lady with a toddler in her hands, he thought.

A pillow hit him as soon as he crossed the threshold into the bedroom, followed by a blanket.

"Guess where you get to sleep tonight."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer**: Stargate SG1 and it characters are owned by persons other than myself. This fiction is posted strictly for entertainment purposes and no profit is intended.

_I've re-edited chapter four a bit. I took a little heat for going a little over the top with Sam's appearance, her *itchiness and Jack's insensitivity. I hope I didn't offend anyone, that certainly wasn't my intention, I just wanted to write a fun, silly, story where everyone was so totally out of character, that it would be funny, but I think I missed the mark a bit with the last chapter. Anyway, I hope I have redeemed myself a bit with this chapter and if not, oh well, I'll try better next time. :) I want to thank all who have reviewed, good or bad, I really do appreciate it._

Chapter 5

Jack tossed uncomfortably on the couch. The house was finally quiet and the kids had gone to sleep. Sam had shut herself into the bedroom and hadn't spoken to him since tossing him out. This was supposed to be his home, but instead he felt like an intruder, a stranger that didn't belong.

He tried to sleep, but his mind was working in overdrive. Jack had daydreamed many times about what being with Sam would like. Okay, mostly he had dreamed about the sexual aspects of such a relationship and not marriage, but no doubt, Sam would want that kind of commitment should they ever get together and she was young enough to still want a family. However, he wasn't sure he wanted that kind of life again. He had tried before with Sara and he had loved Charlie and cherished the time that he had with him. He felt he had moved past that heartbreak, but he didn't want to set himself up for that kind of pain ever again. Besides, he was already in his fifties and the thought of all of these kids made his knees and back ache.

The more he thought about it, the more disturbed he became. Was this a reality that could actually have occurred if he had told Carter about his feelings for her years ago? Is this why he was here, to show him a glimpse into what might have been, or to show him how much of an ass he was? Would his Carter resent and hate him as much as this one did if she had left the military for him? He didn't want that.

It was then that it hit him like an epiphany, he decided right then and there that if he ever got back to his own reality, then he could never ask her to give up so much for him. He cared about her, definitely, but did he love her enough to leave the Air Force for her? Maybe, maybe not, he really wasn't sure. He knew he wasn't ready to retire yet, there was a galaxy full of evil aliens bent on destroying their world and he wasn't content to watch from the sidelines. Not while he could still fight. He knew Carter felt the same way and as long as they were both in the military, regulations would never allow them to become a couple.

Sam was a lot like him in those respects, he realized. She was a free spirit, independent, in love with science and her work. All he really wanted, he conceded, was for her to be happy and if she left her work and the Air Force, she'd never be content while he continued to have adventures through the Stargate. It would ruin her, just like that bitter woman sleeping in the bedroom. He wouldn't let that happen, not to her. For her sake, he could live with them just being friends and the more he thought about it, he came to the conclusion that that's all he ever really wanted, for her to be happy. She'd find someone who could do that for her, even if it wasn't him.

He was surprised to find that he was okay with that, and that all he truly wished for was for things to be the way they were before. He desperately wanted to go home, his_ real_ home. The one where Daniel complained and argued with him. The one where Teal'c was quiet and reserved. The one where Sam was Major Carter, his brainiac friend and colleague. She might not ever be anything more than a friend, but he would be content with that, maybe one day there could be more, but for now, he just wanted _his_ home, _his_ friends, _his_ Sam and he'd never take them for granted again.

But how was he to get back? Maybe he should call Daniel, he might have a clue. Normally, he would ask Carter and she would switch over into full geek-mode and come up with some answer that he barely understood and they'd be good to go, but there was no way he was going to ask the woman in the other room. She scared the shit out him.

Coming to the decision to call Daniel, he flung the covers off and got up. He was pretty sure that Carter kept a phone in the kitchen, so he made his way over there. It was dark and hard to see, especially with one eye swelled shut, so it was little wonder that on his journey towards the phone, he failed to notice the plastic robot on the floor. His foot made contact with it and he was unable to stop his momentum, falling forward. In slow motion, he saw the coffee table rushing towards him.

"Aw Crap!"

Blackness followed.

OOOOO

"Jack!, Jack!" He could hear Daniel calling his name and wondered idly why he was slapping him on the face. "I think he's coming around."

Jack groaned, he didn't want to open his eyes, knowing that any light entering his pupils would no doubt send waves of stabbing pain through his already throbbing head, but he figured he would have to eventually, so he ventured to crack them open a slit. Yeah, he was right. His head exploded and he instinctively threw his arms over his face to shield his eyes from the offending light source. He could just make out Daniel's concerned face bobbing over him from the space between his elbows.

"Ugh. What happened?" He asked

"You were hit by a hockey puck."

"Yeah, I seem to recall that." He groaned. "That explains a lot." Then memories came flooding back to him. Daniel being agreeable, Teal'c being a fool and Sam....kids...ugh.... It must have all been some sort of horrible dream, but it seemed so real.

"Daniel?" His friend was pulling out his cell phone and dialing.

"Yeah, Jack."

"Please tell me you're not calling Carter." He pleaded.

"Why would I call her? She's not even home, she left to visit her father, remember? I'm calling Dr. Fraiser."

Jack moaned again, holding his throbbing head.

"No, I'm fine. I don't need that woman shining a pen-light into my eyes to tell me that I have a concussion."

"Too bad, You're going to see her."

"No, Daniel."

"Yes, Jack." Daniel was arguing with him again. It was like music to his ears and he could have hugged him. He tried to sit up, but was pushed back down. "Just lay still will you? Teal'c should be back here in a minute with an ice pack." As if on cue, the large Jaffa appeared, thankfully without the Cat- in-the-Hat accessory, but with the Avalanche cap that he gave him before the game. He handed the pack to Jack and he gratefully accepted it, placing it over his injured face.

"I am glad to see you awake, O'Neill." Teal'c bowed.

"You know T, I kinda miss the fedora, it suits you better."

"Indeed, I believe that to be so as well."

"Tell me something, what is Carter's marital status?" He asked. Daniel gave him confused look.

"Uh, she's not. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to make sure."

"Oookay, " Daniel eyed him warily and dialed his phone. "Calling Frasier now."

Jack smiled and laughed a little to himself, his friends probably thought he was delusional from the head injury, but he felt pretty good. His world may not be perfect and he may not have all of his wishes fulfilled, nor the love he hoped he would have, but he liked things the way they were and he wouldn't change his friends for anything. This was the way things were supposed to be and this is were he belonged. He held his hands up for his friends and they helped him up as he addressed them.

"Let's go home, guys."

The End


End file.
